I started this blog about 7 years ago (how can it have been that long??) When I started the blog we had 1 daughter, Ava (who is now 9) I kept it as kind of a scrapbook... it was before Facebook and Instagram and all those other ways to keep every person you have ever crossed paths with, informed about each aspect of your life.

When we became pregnant with our 2nd daughter Madeline, we announced it excitedly right here. And when we found out our sweet baby girl had some health issues, this blog was cathartic.

When Madeline (or Mae Mae as she came to call herself) was born and we found out she had some extra health issues, this blog helped us connect with other families who were struggling with the same issues. It helped us and it helped others.
Somewhere along the way, after a lot of the tough stuff was over and we were more involved with other forms of social media, I stopped blogging. I regret that, mostly because I like to look back on how far we have come. I like to say "Look what God did!"

But I think I stopped because I felt like I didn't have anything of substance to write about.

I should have kept in mind that even though I thought what I had to say wasn't important, God always uses the ordinary to reach out and do extraordinary things. I wish I would have kept writing
But here I am again... looking for a way to purge my emotions, and to keep record of our lives where we've been and where we are going.
This time I'm coming from a different place. My family is complete. We now have another child, Asher who is 3. Mae Mae is 6 and healthy and like I said, Ava is 9. We homeschool, and together have 2 small businesses, 1 full time job and a part time job. (why so many jobs? I have no idea.)
And we just got home from our 2nd short term missions trip to Cambodia.
Oh... and we are broken. At least I am. My husband has a way of adapting and while I know his heart is broken too, he has been able to scrape me up off the floor and help me to at least function somewhat.
But this morning I woke up and thought... I should write about this.
So I'm just going to write about it.
Perhaps no one will read this.
Maybe someone with a broken heart will read this and feel a little less empty because they aren't alone.
Maybe someone with a healed heart will read this and offer some healing words.

  I don't know where this will take me.
But today the truth is, my heart is broken.
It breaks because there is a lot of poverty, abuse, neglect and pain in this world.
It breaks because I can only do so much about it.
It breaks because the God who can do a lot about it.... well His people don't do much about it.... and He needs them. He created it to be that way.
It breaks my heart because I don't want to go back there.
It breaks because I want to go back so badly. (yes, both of those things at the same time)
It breaks because I prayed that God would break my heart for what breaks His... and He did. He showed me a little bit of what breaks His heart... I can barely handle it. I want to curl up and cry for a million days.
And right now, it's not flowing out of me, but I know there is healing and vision and supernatural power in that broken place.
God gives us HOPE, and MERCY and GRACE in the broken places.
So I'm writing again... so I can look back and say:
"look at what God has done."

Isaiah 58:11-12